This Is Not For You

But it was and that's a good thing

“Restless soul, enjoy your youth
Like Muhammad hits the truth
Can't escape from the common rule
If you hate something, don't you do it too”

- First verse from “Not for You” off Vitalogy

Thirty years is a long time. It’s a very long time. Looking back three decades can give you perspective on many things. If you’re courageous enough to try it, you may see life, society, and yourself differently than you once did. Proceed with caution.

Pearl Jam, one of the biggest bands to emerge from Seattle’s grunge movement in the early 90s, released a pivotal album in its history 30 years ago today, November 22, 1994.

Jon Pareles of The New York Times had this to say about Vitalogy as it compared to the band’s previous two albums: "fast but brutal punk, fuzz-toned psychedelia, and judicious folk-rock, all of it sounding more spontaneous than before.” He’d go on to say the band was "unremittingly glum", and described the majority of the songs as "tortured first-person proclamations" and that lead singer and main songwriter on the album, Eddie Vedder sounded "more alone than ever”.

As a 21-year-old college student going through my own struggles in 1994, (I discuss this in my forthcoming book SLACKER - 1991, Teen Spirit Angst, and the Generation It Created in greater detail), hearing Vitalogy spoke to me in ways that made me agree whole-heartedly with Pareles’ take on Vedder’s level of loneliness. I too was lonely and looking for answers.

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From the mid-80s through the early 90s, there was a lot of underground music rumbling around that borrowed elements of heavy metal and punk rock, with introspection baked into its lyrical DNA, that began resonating with teenagers in small pockets throughout the United States. This music would eventually be dubbed globally as grunge and alternative rock, but at the time, most of the world still hadn’t heard any of it. It was made by young people, for young people.

1991 was “the year grunge broke” as it has been said thousands of times by now and everything that happened afterward took on a different, and often dark persona.

Vitalogy, Pearl Jam’s third studio album, was the second fastest-selling album in history (the band’s previous effort, 1993’s Vs., was the first) and to say the band was one of the biggest, if not the biggest band in the world at that time, would be accurate.

With great success, however, comes the very real possibility of a colossal fall from grace. Popularity, music industry clout, and millions of albums (and dollars) aside, the band that was sitting on top of the world, especially since the demise of Nirvana earlier in ‘94 due to Kurt Cobain’s suicide, was facing its most trying times since its inception.

Drummer Dave Abbruezzese was fired, lead guitarist and original member, Mike McCready was in rehab, and co-founder, and up until this point, main songwriter, Stone Gossard, wanted to quit. As if that wasn’t enough, newly anointed “voice of a generation”, lead singer, Eddie Vedder was cracking under the pressure, distancing himself from his bandmates, and assuming more creative control within the band than ever before.

Frequent collaborator and Pearl Jam producer Brendan O’Brien said in a Spin article from 2001: "Vitalogy was a little strained. I'm being polite—there was some imploding going on”.

Pearl Jam co-founder and bassist Jeff Ament said in the same Spin piece that "communication was at an all-time low".

When the lights get this white-hot, most bands fold. Pearl Jam nearly succumbed to the pressures and in-fighting but with some smart decision-making (refusing to conduct interviews or make music videos), the band navigated its way through the mud that they were partially responsible for creating.

They would go on to release nine more studio albums after Vitalogy, including their most recent work, Dark Matter (2024), tour the world dozens of times over as one of the largest-grossing live bands of all time, get inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, and cement their legacy as one of the most iconic American rock bands ever.

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Looking back at the past has its advantages. I may not love the fact that my coming-of-age and youthful version of myself dates back all those yesterdays ago as I now struggle to comprehend that I’ll be 52 in just a few short months.

The angry kid who felt like he understood what Vedder (and counterparts Cobain, Layne Staley, Chris Cornell, Billy Corgan, Maynard James, Keenan, etc.) were singing and often pleading about, still exists. I know other 50-plus-year-olds who grew up on this music feel the same way. They tell me so all the time.

Having the music, stories, and memories to look back on makes looking back easy. It’s fun. It reminds me of what I was about. What I’m still about. In a world that seems incredibly unable or unwilling to unfuck itself, this music is more important now than ever before.

We know who Eddie was talking about when he screamed:

This is not for you
This is not for you
This is not for you
Oh, never was for you, fuck you

And guess what? It’s still not for them…it’s for all of us, the ones it was meant for all those years ago. It’s our job to do something with it, even if it’s 30 years later.