It's Time...Am I Ready?

My book will be in the world next week and I have NO idea what I'm feeling

The road that led me here is a story for another time. I touch on it a bit in my first book (pre-orders will ship next week), SLACKER - 1991, Teen Spirit Angst, and the Generation It Created (Inspired By You Books), but for this article, I’m focusing on what it means to be here now, in the present, knowing the judgment that’s to come.

I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t uncomfortable or frightening.

Writing for public consumption is inherently vulnerable. Even when writing non-fiction like SLACKER, the words and phrases between the front and back covers are tiny sneak peeks into the writer’s soul. In my case, I lift the curtain of a life-long battle with depression and on a few occasions, more than a couple of fleeting thoughts of suicide. I did this because much of the subject matter in the book discusses how dark, personal themes such as depression and suicide, along with addiction, isolation, and confusion, were omnipresent in the late 80s/early 90s grunge and alternative movement that ruled the world once Nirvana exploded in 1991 and early ‘92.

I know, based on countless millions of records sold by those early bands (Nirvana, Soundgarden, Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam, etc.) that I wasn’t alone in feeling a connection with that music because the sound and lyrical themes made me feel like I was being seen and accepted. With that knowledge, I wanted the reader to understand that I was just like them. The words and feelings on the pages of my book are authentic, even if, at times, uncomfortable to share.

So, am I ready for the world to see me? I’d better be.

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I enjoy many different styles of writing and I love to learn new things. When it comes to topics I love, I’m even more engaged. The one trait, the one constant that keeps me coming back for more, regardless of writer or topic, is authenticity. I’ve always appreciated someone who could share their most personal thoughts with perfect strangers and seem to do so without a care in the world. Now that I have done the same thing, I realize that I was likely wrong in my judgment of their writing. It’s not that the work I enjoy reading was written by people who don’t care about sharing such personal thoughts, on the contrary. They care so much about the work and what they have to share, that they give it to us knowing it’s uncomfortable or scary to have strangers see so much of who they are. The way I see it now, it’s empowering.

Does this mean that I can now feel empowered with the release of my book? I’m not quite there yet.

After four years, from inception to release, one might think I’d be more than ready for my book to come out and for my story to be told alongside that of some of the most important music of the last 30 years. I will soon find out.

There’s a nervous energy that I’ve lived with ever since my book was sent to the printer to become the product others will soon hold in their hands. As I write this, I’m scheduled to pick up the first batch of books from my publisher tomorrow 12/14/24. It’s a day I’ve envisioned ever since I decided to write the book in the first place even though I had no idea what I was doing or that I’d ever finish writing it. But here we are.

Why did I write this article? Should anyone care? My initial answers are I’m not sure and probably not, respectively. That’s ok though, we don’t always need a reason to write or understand why we feel the need to express ourselves. It’s just what we do I suppose. I guess the best answers I can come up with for the questions at the start of this paragraph are, maybe I wanted to find out if fellow writers who I admire on this platform feel similarly when being vulnerable on the page. As for the question of whether anyone should care or not, that’s not for me to say but I do hope that my asking these questions aloud, and being vulnerable myself, might help them the next time they question if they should share something with us.